Packing For The Unknown

Today there is a sea of cardboard and stuffing all over my house.  I am slowly beginning to understand the uncertainty of being a military wife.  I feel like I just unpacked all these boxes...hey I just did!  One year is all we made it for this stop on our journey.  Will we back?  Where will we go next?  Who knows?  I suppose wether or not you are military, none of us really know.  We can make grandiose plans but will they pan out?  All I know for sure right now is I have two weeks to pack my whole house into cardboard boxes and say goodbye to all of my things, treasures, trinkets I have collected over the years.  A year is a long time not to have any of your things.  But must of all my heart breaks for the separation of, not my stuff, but my other half.  Today is  really hitting me hard.  I know good days will come while he is gone.  I wouldn't want to live in some kind of abyss of sadness, but I don't want to have great memories without him.  Scott is the most incredible being to me.  Funny, loving, unselfish, brave...my favorite place to land.  My heart would be lost without him. I might be packing for the unknown future but one thing that will always be known is how much I love the man leaving me:)  Women have done it before and more will do it after me.  So let the packing resume.... And soon the gypsies will be on the move again!  FLORIDA HERE WE COME!

Best Day of my Life

 Sorry it has been awhile but I am back online with some catching up to do.  So with that we will back track a little until our catching up is caught up:)  Before ending our summer in Florida Jack and I decided we should go to Disney, ALONE!  Yep just me and my big buddy off on a day date.  Jack is truly an amazing kid.  His heart is huge and he is the most curious little monkey I have ever met.  I didn't realize until spending 6 hours alone with him  that I should have had some kind of google app on my phone to answer the thousands of questions he ask me that I didn't know!  We rode ride after ride just the two of us.  Talked about things he loves and his feelings about moving so much.  Ran together, skipped together, piggy back rode (but then I got too heavy for him:).  We just had a blast.  I didn't want it to end.  I think the times that we can spend one on one with our children should be mandatory for parents.  It makes them feel so special and it helps us to connect with them in a different way then if siblings were around.  He held my hand the whole way back to the car and then looked up at me with those big blue eyes and said "Mom this was the best day of my life".  It can't get any better than that because it was also the best day of my life.

Thanks To My New Friend Val

So I dedicate today to my new friend Val.  Who is Val you ask yourself?  I have no idea.  But I have found myself falling in love with her words of hope and encouragement.  During my late night searches for some kind of uplifting story I stumbled upon Val.  Is it her real name?  Probably not because she refers to her children and husband with foxtrot and tango names but nonetheless I can't get enough of her.  And I have to be quite honest I don't even want to become a "fan" because someone I know will found her and want to be her friend and then I might loose my best friend and then.....oh shut Amy.  Bunny trail is ending.  So Val is a blogger I found that is an Army wife with eloquence of a born writer.  She is very real (besides their names) but her emotion seems so raw and her wisdom so wide.  She has been married for a little longer than me but almost the whole marriage has been spent in the army.  She wrote in one of her blogs that she always has a better day when she starts out running.  Well more like brisk walking but running sounds better.  While the earth is still and the sunning is beginning to peek out, walk and get those endorphins in full swing. Well I didn't make it too early but I still did it.  The world was wide awake but I still forced myself to get my endorphins up.  She says I should use that time to formulate a plan while Scott is away of things that I would like to do or accomplish.  So I began that today.  I only came up with one so far and it is a pretty stupid one but it's still a start.  The splits, that's right it was not a misspelling I want to be able to do the splits.  I am the least flexible person ever and I don't want to be.  So there we have it Val...a start.  Val and her husband are about to go through the fifth deployment and they are still married so I have to believe she is of sound advice.  Most of the rest of my day was spent shopping and that would tire anyone out.  So tonight I sleep knowing that before the sun comes up I will pull myself out of bed, slip on sisters running shoes because I am too cheap to buy my own pair, and off I will go continuing to make goals and dreams for myself.  Scott is still living so I must not act like I am dying.

TODAY FINALLY ENDED

Ah it was a perfect ending to a perfect day.  Perfectly horrible would be where I would start.  Scott left today for the first month mission toward the deployment.  I am sure there is some kind of fancy name for it but I have never mastered all those letters!  Maybe I will over the next year.  MMMMM, it's a thought. I don't think I have cried more than I cried today in years.  I don't know why I have been so overwhelmed today.  Maybe it's sinking in what is about to happen to us.  Knowing that he won't be here to take care of the things I don't want to.  Selfish I know, but I never take for granted what he does for me.  I am well aware of the sacrifices made by him for our family.  Who now shall I cook for seeing that my kids refuse to eat like normal human beings.  Anyway, I digress... Trying to wrap my day up I decided that maybe to get out of the funk I found myself in, I would take my kids to Disney World to watch the fireworks.  Oh silly silly me!  It started out ok, the weather was hot but a nice breeze was moving in so we weren't dying.  Yet it quickly headed south when the wind stopped and the humidity set in and I started to sweat in places I didn't know I had.  I was sweating so much I could barely hold the squirmy, sweaty, screaming Josh.  Jack kept asking why he couldn't just go to bed.  Grace was telling me this was the worst day of her life.  So after sitting and waiting for the firework show to start the showtime had finally came.  Except the man on the loud speaker wasn't saying "here they come" he says "sorry about you luck folks the fireworks have been delayed due to lightning".  The quotes come more from me then what was actually said but you get the idea:) So there I was in all my sweaty glory hauling three kids, a cooler, diaper bag, and purse out of the park.  Disappointment pretty much on everyone's faces including mine.  And of course because it had to end this way, as we were getting into the car the show started.  We could hear it happening but couldn't see it.  It couldn't have happened any other way.  I told you a perfect ending to a perfect day.  

AND SO IT BEGINS...

Well I knew this day was eventually going to come.  I actually can't believe we have made it this far without getting the news sooner.  A couple weeks ago Scott gave me the news of our first deployment.  After being in the Army for over 4 years already and never having one, I feel guilty that I am sad he is going.  I have known many wives that have given up their husbands year after year.  We weren't trying to hide or anything, just got attached to a hospital that doesn't deploy for our first 3 years.  Can't say I hated it. However, the time has come to do what we have to do.  It is a very strange feeling knowing my best friend in the whole world will not be next to me for over a year.  And all that he'll be in your heart crap, or just a skype away just seems to me not good enough.  I want him, in the flesh, next to me.  I want to smell his bad breath, and stinky man smell, I want to kiss him and  hold his hand, I want to slap him when I get mad... Lord knows he would shoot me if I slapped the MAC when I got mad!  It is kind of funny from the girl who would have lived in the same house her whole life and would never have thought I missed out on anything, that my life would turn out like this.  So as it begins and I try to sort out what to do with the remainder of my family.  Do you go home?  Where is home?  Do you pack up your whole life in a cement box and pay someone to keep it?  Most of my friends have already left and the ones still there will be heading out.  Heck, I have already left, sorta!  I have been in Florida the whole summer while Scott has been away for training.  I thought I was going to be going home and settling my life back down just in time for the new school year.  Instead I will be going back to the great state of WA to pack a house, hop in a minivan and drive over 3,000 miles back to Florida.  Woosh, just the thought of it gives me complete exhaustion.  Lucky for me I have a large loving family here in Florida.  The saddest part is, without Scott I still feel lonely.

Disappointment

Well we have all have either felt it or dealt it out; disappointment.  Sucks when you feel it and it sucks realizing it is happening to you.  I grew up in a great home!  Parents that were awesome!  The always made  me feel so important.  Never had I had to question how much they cared for me.  But now I am growing up and I am watching my so perfect life feel not so perfect.  You find out things about your family that aren't so pretty.  You learn about hurt and lies dealt out by people whom you had so high on a pedestal.  As great as my childhood was, I would never want to go back.  I would never give up what I have now for that.  I love my life and I think it is honest and great!  Will I disappointment my family????? Absolutely!  But my I weigh the priorities in my life and make sure that I choose wisely to keep those disappointments to a minimum.  We are only human so we are not perfect but we don't have to be selfish!
On a brighter note someone I am so not disappointed with is my brave sister stacy who finished her third IRONMAN today!  I would have moved mountains to have been there cheering you on if i could have!  I am so so sorry I wasn't there for you sister.  My heart hurts so badly.  I think my sister is so strong and courageous.  Her life is far from perfect but she gets up every morning with out complaint goes to the gym, teaches at school all day, and comes home for paper grading and right to bed.  Must people wish they had 5% of her will power!  I love you so much sister

Against All Odds

Well against all odds I some how managed to get one bathroom cleaned, living room picked up, dusted, and vacuumed, kitchen spotless, floors mopped, kids fed and bathed, husband fed and arms scratched, and everyone asleep!  Now what it is 9pm and nothing...I hear nothing but the keyboard clicking away.  I am supposed to go to the gym with my neighbors right now.  However, my head is battling with the rest of my tired body.  Should my head win? Should I muster the strength to bend over and put my shoes on?  I am so tired!  AHHHH....fine my head wins and off to the gym I go:)